Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
