ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
