Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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