Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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