when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
