i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
