They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
