...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
smell my finger.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
