I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
