You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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