When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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