it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
