Christians are straight up FREAKS
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I will pee on everything he values.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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