I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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