happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
