I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
