3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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