Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
