It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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