New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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