Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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