So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
