the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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