one might say we're banned from that church
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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