i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
