So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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