because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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