so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
