okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
