Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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