TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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