You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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