please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
