i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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