I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
