Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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