best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
