I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
