She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
