I got chris browned last night
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
