Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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