Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
