Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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