I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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