3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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