R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
