My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
