Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
