The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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