come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
