I'm going to jail i love you
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
