I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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