wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
