I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
