Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
