Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
