Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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